Jealousy: Too much of a good thing!
Jealousy is an emotion that immensely troubles the person feeling it. It is accompanied by negative emotions such as rage, distrust, shame and self-doubt; and thus jealousy is often something which we try to surpress and avoid to admit.
CONTINUE READING
Jealousy in actuality is fairly universal. It is a normal and human emotion, within certain limits. In fact, certain researchers claim jealousy is one of the few layers of love. In some instances, this negative emotion may lead to positive outcomes. A reasoned level of jealousy provides afear of loss and is considered a criterion of the value that individuals within a couple place upon each other. Jealousy as an emotion is not dangerous in itself, but can become so as a result of the destructive behavior it can cause. Jealousy exhibited by a male can be especially dangerous. In fact, most of the women killed in our country are murdered by their spouse, boyfriend, ex-husband or ex-boyfriend.
Jealousy may be something a person is either born with or develops following certain traumatic events. For example, a young person previously cheated on by a lover and who is unable to handle the emotion, may develop a jealous attitude in adult relationships. In his research into the root of jealousy, University of Indiana professor of psychology Robert Rydell observed that people who are suspicious and jealous of their spouse have a higher level of anxiety and a lower level of self-confidence and self-esteem. With this unhealthy situation created by jealousy, the spouses control each other in an unsolicited manner, constantly spying on their whereabouts and potentially harming friendships.
The dynamics of the emergence of jealousy in long-term relationships is slightly different. Spouses who have been together a long time begin to stop caring about each other after some time. Until there is an “other” that takes their spouse’s mind away! At this point, jealousy springs into action and for these people, who until recently totally ignored their spouse no matter what, their spouse and their relationship with them become essential. Of course this is not healthy. The person with the drive to re-claim their spouse tries to resemble the opponent of whom they are jealous, and tries to emulate their qualities. For example, a man or a woman who discovers that they are being cheated on with a better looking, slimmer person, will pay more attention to their own bodies in an effort to look more like their rival. In more extreme cases, this may cause the person to have an identity clash and even become depressed.
As a result, jealousy may be a force that supports relationships in certain instances, but brings about destruction when thresholds are exceeded.
In these modern times, with the significant use of technology, continuously checking up on one’s spouse means significant loss of time and burden of stress. Spouses are now able to cheat on each other via their mobile phones even as they are in the same room. It is almost impossible to control this. This is why the only solution to be saved from the burning ring of fire that is jealousy is for the person to trust their lover/spouse. Another option is when they find out about the infidelity of their spouse, they should just walk away instead of being consumed by jealousy. Otherwise a life like this will continue being like hell for both parties. Life is too short for that.